"So you had no idea?!"
A question that I have gotten countless times as we introduce our daughter to the world...which, by the way, has been so much fun!
It is so great to see the look on people's faces when they see us around town with a new baby. I have the most fun with acquaintances...grocery store employees, gym employees, colleagues, and people I haven't seen in awhile. Their looks of confusion, comments
"Wait...you weren't pregnant!"
So, the answer to the original question: No. We had NO idea she was coming.
Here's how it happened:
Monday, August 17 was off to an average start. Ben was at work and I had gone to the gym, grocery shopped, and was doing schoolwork with Chase on the back porch. Around 3:00, I came in the house and checked my phone. 11 missed calls and several texts from Ben. We had been on this adoption journey long enough for me to know what that meant.
I sat down on the couch and called him. "There is a baby girl..."
I took a deep breath and said "Okaaaaay."
We had little information at this point, but enough to know that we wanted to proceed.
We hung up the phone and waited to hear from our social worker.
I called my mom...there was lots of squealing. :) As I said the words out loud, a bit of reality hit. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Was this really happening? Were we really about to become a family of FOUR? I had no diapers, formula, pink stuff, and I was just getting ready to start another school year!
I am not a spontaneous person, so this was overwhelming and way out of my comfort zone. There was so much to process and no time to do it in. I was in a bit of a daze.
Within a couple hours, we named the baby and had made plans to drive to the coast to pick her up at the hospital on Tuesday morning.
That night, I pulled out some of Chase's old sleepers and burp clothes. I got out 2 tiny dresses that had been hanging in my son's closet. Two years ago, we received news that a baby girl was in need of a home. I bought the dresses in the hopes that we would be bringing her home. She was not our baby. I kept the dresses hoping that someday I would use them.
Tuesday morning, a restless night had left me more anxious. It took some encouragement from my husband to get me moving. I was so confused about how nervous I was feeling. I had dreamed of this moment for so long! Why couldn't I just be happy?! God had answered my prayers in more ways than one. Not only had I prayed for another child, but I had specifically prayed for a baby to come into our life "overnight"...and that is exactly what was happening.
I messaged some of my people, asking for prayer. Not only did they commit to praying, they spoke truth into my life. I was then reminded of all the prayers of that had been prayed up to this point. I felt so overwhelmed with gratitude and empowered with God's strength when I remembered the faithfulness of the people from all over the country who had been praying for us. How amazing to experience the POWER of God's praying people! I had GOD on my side! I could do this!
I fell asleep on the drive to the hospital. My poor husband was left with his coffee and talk radio. :)
When we arrived at the hospital, the birth parents' social worker was there to meet us and introduce us to them.
We all met in a tiny room next to the nursery. Did I try to sneak a peak at baby girl? Of course! But the nursery was full and I had no way of knowing who she was.
So what do you say to two people who have just given you the greatest gift? I don't know. "Thank you" seemed inadequate but necessary at the same time. I tried to focus on what they might be feeling and what they needed.
In the span of about 2 hours, we got to know as much about them as possible. We wanted to be able to tell baby girl about the people who had brought her into the world. It was tough. I hurt for them. Even though they had chosen adoption for their child, I still felt sad. Adoption is born out of loss.
Birth mom placed baby girl in my arms for the first time. I burst into tears. I can't really put my emotions into words. I guess the tears speak for themselves.
We fed and changed her into her white eyelet dress in preparation for the ride home. She was so tiny that the straps on her car seat were loose!
The nurses wheeled me out in a wheelchair with the car seat in my lap: hospital rules. I felt a bit silly.
A few pictures, some Chik Fil A for lunch, and we were on our way home.
By 2:30 on Tuesday afternoon, we were home, anxiously waiting to introduce her to big brother.
Some days, I still find myself shaking my head in disbelief.