We had every reason to give up. The average wait time for a domestic adoption was 1 year. It had been almost 3 years. I watched all the other prospective adoptive couples on the agency website disappear as they brought their children home. In my rough estimation, we were passed over by about 75 birth families. We waited only 3 weeks to be chosen by our first child's birth mother. We had no reason to think that it wouldn't happen again. Our adoption workers could offer no explanation .
In November 2011 when our firstborn was only 15 months old, I was worshipping with our church family. I distinctly remember God impressing upon my heart, "Do not be afraid to start the adoption process again." It seemed early. Our son was so young, but we decided to go for it.
As months turned into years, I began to question God's leading on that Sunday. Why would He lead us to adoption again if the process was only going to result in heartache and tears? What was God doing here?
In 2014, I began to look into international adoption. Up until that spring, I didn't even know that it was an option for us. Back in 2006 when we first started looking at adoption, we were told that we were ineligible for international adoption due to medical concerns. I was stunned to learn that international adoption was an option. I honestly didn't know what to do with the information. Was God changing our direction? Was our child waiting for us somewhere overseas?
My husband and I talked and prayed and talked and prayed some more. I talked to international adoption specialists and read up on different countries.
But we never had a peace about moving in that direction. There were obstacles in every direction. Adopting from another country is no simple task. There are several factors to consider. We all see beautiful families everywhere who have made the journey, but it certainly isn't simple and definitely not for everyone.
On August 15, 2015, my husband and I sat in his truck in a parking lot. I was melting down in a puddle of frustration and despair. We had recently experienced another disappointment in our adoption journey and emotions were running high. I was certain that I could not bear another disappointment and rejection. I felt like I was falling apart. I wanted to quit. But how could we walk away from the possibility of another child? How could we give up on the child that we felt God had for us?
That morning in the truck, we came up with a "plan." We decided to stay in the domestic adoption program for a few more months. If we did not have a placement by the end of that time period, we were going to drop out and pursue international adoption. Did we have a peace about our "plan"? Not really. Were we convinced that it was what God was leading us to do? No.
But in the end, our "plan" did not matter.
God is sovereign.
And He had a better plan.
That Saturday, August 15, 2015, our daughter was born.
"We can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God's hands."